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Deaf, dumb and blind
Bismillahirahmanirahim. In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Deaf, dumb and blind
My eyes have perfect sight
Yet I am blind.
My ears hear every sound
bite
Yet I am deaf.
My speech is eloquent under
the stage light
Yet I am dumb.
For it is not my eyes that
could not see
But my heart, with its
disease
I turn away from the poor’s
plea
I shut my ears even when
they screamed, “PLEASE
HELP
US!”
I’m dumb because with every
knowledge that I gained
The poison of arrogance
flows through my vein
And my diseased heart
couldn’t help but to pump
Churn my body into a toxic
waste dump.
My sick heart,
It is sealed tight.
With shroud of ignorance
That chases light.
Until one day. When the
heart could take no more.
Before it collapsed, drop
dead to the floor.
With sharp intakes, and a
final wheeze
The heart whispers, “Oh
Allah, please
help
me. “
“Have they, then, never journeyed about the earth,
letting their hearts gain wisdom, and causing their ears to hear? Yet, verily,
it is not their eyes that have become blind - but blind have become the hearts
that are in their breasts!” Surah Al-Hajj, verse 46
- Lailatulzahrah
This is what I'm feeling right now. And so what better than to transcribe my feelings into thoughts and translate them into words.
Why is my pen name Lailatulzahrah?
Because I want to be the Night Flower. Which blooms and emits sweet fragrance even in the darkest hour.
Allah'sgift.
Salutations and Peace be upon you :)
I think today's post will be very short. I just want to say something. Whenever I feel bored, I find myself googling for one thing: Babies. Haha, maybe my 'mother' instincts hormones are at an abnormally high level but I've always had a soft spot for babies or children in particular. Even when I was younger, secretly I wished to become a mother, not a doctor or scientist. There's just something so heart warming about hearing a baby's laughter. Something so heart wrenching about hearing a baby's cry. And something so miraculous when looking into their eyes. Is that why they are called rezeki? Allah's gift and blessings upon parents? Knowing that if your child grew up right, they'll be the best treasure you leave behind when you pass from this Earth and that their prayers can continue to supplement your deeds.
Somehow, after my 18th birthday, I've managed to come to a conclusion that even if I don't get married in the future, I still want to have a child of my own. Whether she/he is adopted or merely a god-child, I do not mind. I know it's a very heavy responsibility, one that you can't fool around with. But there's just this tugging at my heart strings whenever I play with children. Even more so when I read about babies being abandoned or orphaned. I wish I can wrap them all in my arms and shield them from all that is bad in this world. *sigh* I feel so old. An old soul.
Before I finish this post, let me just leave a picture of a baby.
Why?
Because it makes me happy :)
humility
Assalamualaikum and Peace be upon you!
Humility. The quality of being modest or humble. Lots of times, when we do acts of kindness or contribute to a good cause, we will feel happy and proud of our good deeds! And sometimes, when we saw others not doing or contributing as much, we may think badly of them while thinking highly of ourselves. And to add on further, we might even pretend to be humble by our 'actions' when secretly we want the whole world to know what we've done. Astaughfirullah....may Allah forgive us for our pride. It's an irony how good deeds can be the downfall of some men. Once they say that they are humble, they immediately contradict themselves. Humility; The only thing you lose once you claim you have it. Funny isn't it?
Humility is something I find very hard to grasp. I feel that the more I try to be humble, the more insincere my actions felt. Does that even make sense? Have you ever felt that way before? And not to mention, humility in intellectuality! Sometimes, the more knowledge we gain and the more we learn, the more highly we think of ourselves. The more we tend to argue about who's right about what. We think that just because we're more enlightened about a certain subject, the more license we have to critic others when they're wrong or when they're clueless. I believe this is an attitude that we all have to try our best to change. I have to remind myself day after day, that just because I learn something new in school today, doesn't immediately make me an expert on that subject! The field of knowledge is so vast that even if I can pen it all down, the ink made from the seven seas won't be sufficient. So learning a thing or 2 is basically just making a small, microscopic, nano-seized dent in the knowledge bank.
As Muslims, we are always reminded to stay humble in our deeds! Feeling proud of an ibadah that you've done immediately revoked its benefits and pahala. No matter how small or big your deed is, the sincerity is the one that counts. Always ask yourself, "Will I still be doing this if nobody knows about it?". I still remember the story about this one pious man. He was granted the ability to live for more than 500 years and he filled his days by worshipping Allah. Before he was granted access to paradise, Allah asked him, "Do you want to enter Jannah with my mercy or with your ibadah (prayers and deeds)?" Thinking that his 500 years worth of worship is more than sufficient to grant him access, he than ask for his deeds to be weight and for him to enter Paradise with it. Allah than compared his deeds with just the man's eye, a token of Allah's mercy and blessings. Lo and behold, even the gift of sight that Allah granted us from one eye is incomparable to 500 years of worship! Thus to the hellfire the man went for his pride, arrogance and lack of humility. May that never happen to us...
We should always, ALWAYS think that whatever it is we've done or attained, is never enough for us to think that we're better than the next guy. Truly, there is so much more good deeds, knowledge and worship that we can do and that it does not mean that we're better than someone else. If the prophets, those who are promised paradise, never stop prostrating, what about us mere individuals? Let's all strive to do better and improve ourselves! Throw away the feelings of pride and arrogance. Keep humility close at heart and In sya' Allah, we will even start treating others with more respect as well.
Until then, much peace and love!
weddingormarriage?
Assalamualaikum and Peace be upon you :)
I just got back from Malaysia after spending 3 days at my kampung for a kenduri of sorts. Lately, my older cousins have been getting engaged, one after the other, so the topic of weddings are popping up like mushrooms after rain. Coincidentally, Maria Elena, a famous Malaysian blogger and vlogger at Youtube just had her nikah recently and she had her wedding videos up on the Internet. I was curious so I decided to watch a couple of her vids and I must say they were shot very nicely! Congratulations are due for the newlyweds!
I then came across this reality tv show called 'Rich Bride Poor Bride" and one of the episodes featured this couple with a tight budget for their wedding. What really surprised me was the amount of money they invested in a one day event to celebrate their union. A $4000 wedding dress that you'll wear once is not something I consider as a low budget item. What's worst is that their 2 best friends didn't contribute much except for a measly $200 on 'THEIR' dream wedding cake and ideas for a costly wedding involving chandeliers and peacock feathers. I just don't understand how a wedding of a couple became the dream date for another as well...that was just so confusing (they kept mentioning 'our dress', 'our cake'). So investing more than $30,000 for a day when that can be used for at least 5 months is just...mind boggling.
Afterwards when I logged into Facebook, guessed what my sister shared on my wall...
A video about marriage, what else!? This short clip was done by this duo and their take on marriage is something I think is worth sharing. Before we get blinded, by the excitement and rush of the glitz and glam of THE DAY, we ought to think thoroughly about our preparation as an individual. Are we equipped in terms of KNOWLEDGE, MATURITY, MANAGEMENT and FINANCE? Are we ready to share the REST of our lives together, despite the ups and downs, the rain and shine?
And what about the other half? Are we choosing him/her because we truly love that person? Or is it because of wealth, looks and expectations? Why sacrifice your happiness for something that is short-lived because you overlooked certain things due to 'love'?
Ask yourself these questions: Will I still love him/her if they no longer love ALLAH? Do I marry him/her because of ALLAH?
If you can't answer confidently, then I think you still have a lot of reflections and pondering in line.
What then, are the qualifications to look for in a partner? The Al- Quran answers:
[Surah An-Nur (The Light), Verse 32: And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun(pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures' needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people).]
And what if you do want to get married but there are just so many trials going against you or you're just not ready. Allah answers in the Al-Quran:
[Surah An-Nur (The Light), Verse 33: And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty. And such of your slaves as seek a writing (of emancipation), give them such writing, if you know that they are good and trustworthy. And give them something yourselves out of the wealth of Allah which He has bestowed upon you. And force not your maids to prostitution, if they desire chastity, in order that you may make a gain in the (perishable) goods of this worldly life. But if anyone compels them (to prostitution), then after such compulsion, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful (to those women, i.e. He will forgive them because they have been forced to do this evil action unwillingly).]
Until then, much love and peace!
4months
Hey everyone. Or actually "Hey myself", since this is more of a diary or a personal log than a platform of communication to the dwellers of Internet. Much has passed since I last posted something here. What's new?
1) NPMSS
Well I'm going to step down from Vice-Presidency of NPMSS this coming 28th...don't know what to feel about that. Relieved? Sad? I don't know actually... it felt like such a blur thinking about my journey with the awesome people of NPMSS but I can't pin point an exact emotion about this coming AGM. Perhaps the day has to come for the emotions and feelings to dawn upon me. *sigh* I don't know. Is it possible to feel everything at once so much so that it overwhelms you and is masked as nothingness?
2) Tests
Common Test was over last Wednesday. That was a disappointment mainly for me. I swear I really tried my best but I have a feeling that the results just won't be good enough. I mean this is the last semester of the second year so I am really hoping to get at least a 3.8GPA this time. I want it so badly but everything seems to go against me. Why? I don't know.
3) Projects
Moving on to the projects that are due as soon as school starts. One of them in Medical BioChemistry while the other is Instrument and Analytical Chemistry. BOTH of them require creating a blog so I shall post the URL here as a form of reminder to my future self :)
What are these projects about?
Well at first, MBC was about Deficiency in Fatty Acid Oxidisation thus we decided to research on Systemic Primary Carnitine Deficiency. What happened in the body is basically the transporter required to move carnitine into the membrane is defective thus the body is unable to utilise Carnitine. However, this deficiency is quite rare and the only 'treatment' available was to flood your body with daily intakes of L-carnitine hoping that at least some of the Carnitine gets into your system. Thus while the scientific material is in abundance, there's nothing much to say about the 'non-scientific' materials such as interviews, newspaper articles and etc. After much discussion with my partner, we then decided on Deficiency in Carbohydrate Metabolism: Lactose Intolerance! So look forward to our research on The Sweet Scientists!
INAC is about either a murder case involving some narcotics or something else so it's still quite tentative.
4) Internship
Last but not least, I have exciting news! I will be interning at University of Liverpool for 4 months! WEEEHEEE *insert Taylor Swift jokes here* It's still quite unbelievable and surreal. I've arranged for accommodations and flight tickets but I still can't fully grasp the reality of me living in Liverpool, UK for 4 months. Wow...I hope I get to do my internship well and learn a lot over there. It will be really beneficial and interesting for me so let's hope everything goes well!
Overall, December proves to be quite an interesting month so far. A lot of things have happened and are happening right now therefore the points mentioned above. Let's hope 2012 ends with a good note and for those who are celebrating Christmas soon, enjoy your holidays :) That's all from me....BYEEE
gimpmess
Salutations :D
So I messed around with GIMP since I didn't have adobe photoshop installed on my Mac. And here's the product:
I took quite a while to get the end result since this is my very first time with GIMP and it's quite different than photoshop.
Conclusion: I still love photoshop.
Maybe I'm giving a biased opinion since I have more experience handling photoshop but...there weren't any 'sparks' or 'fireworks' when I used GIMP. The layout of the program is quite messy for me and it took me quite a while to finally comprehend how to use the gradient. WHICH IS TERRIBLE!
T-T
P/S: Firefox screwed up the font settings for my blog. (So SADDDD) So if you want to see how the real blog should look like, you can use Safari, Opera, Internet Explorer and etc :)
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